Written by Gail Farrelly
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Monday, 8 January 2007

image for Oprah Has Bad Day Even Though Blackmail Plot Against Her Is Foiled
Winfrey cash safe from blackmailers

Celebrating news that her blackmailer had been caught, Oprah jumped for joy on her couch. That's when her troubles REALLY began.

Shouting in a singsong voice, "They got him, they got him, goody, goody, goody," the talk show host treated her couch like a trampoline. At first, things were fine. But then she started jumping higher and higher and also began pumping her fists in the air. The inevitable happened. Oprah lost her balance and went flying off the couch, bruising three ribs and breaking an arm.

But the trouble didn't end there. At the emergency room, a note was hand delivered to her. She smiled as she opened it, thinking it was probably from a fan. It wasn't. It was a note from a SECOND blackmailer who had secretly sneaked into her home and taped her leaping performance as well as her ignominious fall. The note said if she didn't pay $2 million, the tape would be given to the media, including YouTube.

Patients and emergency room personnel were startled to hear Oprah shout, "Bring it on, baby, bring it on." This time, however, she skipped the celebratory leap.

When she was told she'd have to stay overnight for observation, Oprah had two requests. First, she said she needed a computer in her room, "to check out YouTube in the morning." Second, she needed Tom Cruise's phone number to get some tips for future "safe and secure" jumping on household furniture.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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