Dublin - "The Edge," guitar player for the mega-hit band "U2" announced today that he had finally found a new guitar lick.
"I've been playing the same sound since the eighties." Says 45 year-old, "The Edge," born, David Howell Evans. "In songs such as, I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, Where the Streets Have No Name, and pretty much any other U2 song you can think of, I've always used my plunka-plunka-plunka guitar sound. But now, I accidentally discovered another chord and my work has broken through to new levels of music."
Evans claims that he accidentally discovered the sound while trying to play and smoke a joint - he means cigarette - at the same time. "I was plunking along and moved my hand to grab my joint/cigarette. As my hand reached down to pick up the joint, da, cigarette, I accidentally strummed the strings. I thought, damn! I've never heard that sound before! I had broken ground in new territory."
Evans says the new sound is totally different. "Instead of just the plunka-plunka-plunka-plunka sound, I've added that strum. So now, my sound is: plunka-plunka-plunka-STRUM-plunka. See. It's totally different."
Evans, who had received his nickname "The Edge" after falling off "the edge" of a curb in Dublin twenty years before, twisting his ankle and ruining his left shoe, says the rest of the band is just as excited about his new sound. "Bono is the most excited," says, Evans. "He told me that the new strumming sound will help enhance his whining voice. People love it when Bono whines. And they'll love it when he whines to my strum."
"We're very proud of me," says Bono. "I mean him, The Edge. We're very proud of him. His new strum will make me look even cooler. I mean - make the band sound even better. Of course, if it weren't for me and my famous style and influence on American culture, The Edge would have never found the strength to explore a chord outside of his usual one. What would we do without me . . . him?"
Bono stated further that he had also found a new sound and that reporters should write an article about it - maybe in Time Magazine.
"Make sure you write down that stuff about my influence," said Bono. "I am the leader of the band, after all." After which, Evans smashed his guitar down on Bono's head, making an even cooler sound.
"I get credit for that," said Bono. "It was my head that made it possible! My head and no one else's!"