Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 29 December 2006

image for 2007 Sculpture of Jessica Simpson Passing Gas To Rival 2006 Britney Spears Sculpture Giving Birth
Simpson - A real work of f-art

(New York--NY) Britney Spears, the most searched female on the web, will be locked in competition with Jessica Simpson, the most gassy female on the web starting January 12, when VaFa, an art gallery in New York City, will publicly unveil a sculpture of Jessica Simpson on a couch being flatulent, as was announced today at the sculpture's preview. The artist claims it will surpass the 2006 press coverage accorded the sculpture of Spears giving birth.

Noted sculptor for massive projects such as The Gates, Christo is the creator. "I can't truly take credit for this since the flatus is Jessica's," said the humble artist at the preview. "The inspiration came to me while I, myself, had gastric upset in my studio. During a particularly vile salvo, my eye was caught by a rose on a table. It made me think how the beautiful and the ugly are so intertwined. I then thought of Jessica on Nick and Jessica, looking so beautiful,freely emitting and poof...or poop. There is was!"

Jessica Simpson was also at the preview, eating a steady stream of mini deep fried bean enchiladas to "replenish the spirit of the statute", as Christo put it. However, the poop star denied this was an attempt to steal the birth canal sculpture spotlight from Spears. "I was passing gas long before Britney was pregnant," said Simpson, dipping her enchilada in a nearby vat of mole. "I also want to say that this statute is more than just publicity. Many people suffer from irritable bowel syndrome, and it's about time someone brought it out from under the cushions." Simpson then "let loose," saying, "another work of f-art. I never get tired of that joke."

Thus far, art critics have been silent on the Simpson sculpture. Christo believes it is due to nomenclature. "The critics exclaim, 'It stinks!' But are they talking about the aesthetic or the stench, which, granted, is repugnant. However, doesn't that make it even more artistic? Let time and olfactory fatigue be our judge and jury."

The statue of Simpson sitting on a couch, that resembles the one from her Nick and Jessica MTV series, with her "lifting off hourly" will be on display through January or as Simpson added, "longer if I can keep scarfing these bean enchiladas."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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