Written by King David
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Friday, 22 December 2006

image for Satirist Catches On Fire; Spears Burned At The Steak
David is now forced to read the news in just his knickers

Satirist, King David caught fire today in his Durham home when the terry cloth robe that he was wearing got too close to the space heater next to him on the floor. "I was just sitting there when I noticed a peculiar smell," the writer said. "I looked down and my robe was on fire."

Eye witnesses who were walking by the satirist's house could not believe how cool the writer remained under fire and say that it appeared "as if Hell itself" had engulfed the prolific writer when flames and smoke rose up and he continued to type on his keyboard. Voyeurs peeping through the satirist's window at the time could not be reached for comment.

Members of the moral majority, John Birch Society and Fundamentalists Under the Confederate Klan (FUCK) say of the satirist that "it serves him right for all the attacks and liberal propaganda that he has disseminated through articles at the fiery red, Spoof magazine for the past two months."

But critics of the John Birch Society say that they are way behind times and are probably still mad at Bob Dylan for depicting them as paranoid, foppish clowns looking everywhere for communists, even on Maggie's Farm where her father's bedroom window is "made out of bricks" and even down "toilet holes." For them, the Times Are Definately Not A'Changin'.

The satirist was reported to be using the space heater because the oil furnace in his house has not been working the past several weeks. Apparently, no one would come out to the satirist's house to fix his furnace because they were afraid of being punished by a vengeful and unforgiving Lord and sentenced to eternal damnation for helping an infidel.

In other news today, Brittney Spears was burned at the stake in east Hollywood after a mob of fundamentalist Christian internet surfers angered at the pop star's blatant exhibitionism which caused the internet to crash last month accused the star of witch-craft sorcery.

"We want to send a message to the country that no magic vaginas will be tolerated here. Life is to remain dry, humorless, wonting and antiseptic. Without these characteristics, people, will become satisfied, and, like little Hobbits, too happy and complacent to venture forth. We run the risk of capsizing the boat in excess like the '60's did to popular culture," a spokesman for the Christian, internet surfers said.

Bob Dylan, spokesman and iconoclast of the '60's, was on the golf course and apparently had turned off his cell phone and could not be reached for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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