Written by Ben Macnair
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Friday, 5 January 2018

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Oh my god, not this album again, Shane.

The long forgotten prog rock orchestra Clematis Wilt have announced a massive world wide tour for 2018.

Daniel Pretension, the band's drummer, and bassist Butch Arpeggio put the group together in 1973, following on the success of Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells. That album was very successful, and with only one writer, and one performer, there were very small over-heads. Clematis Wilt launched one album, Boris Broke his Music Box which went on for seven days, bankrupted the group's record company, sold a total of 29 copies, and took nearly 8 months to record.

Pretension and Arpeggio are the only two remaining original members, following a sorry story of unpaid debts, creative differences, and their two theremin plays breaking their thumbs during the frenzied recording sessions for 'Oh My God, why are the Dogs going crazy?'.

Arpeggio said, 'I am really looking forward to taking the album out on the road. None of us is getting any younger, and noodley live music really takes it out of you, but it should be a good gig. We just putting together the tour and ticket prices. I am sure that if people are willing to pay £100 for two hours of U2, they will be more than willing to pay more than £3,000 for a week of us, won't they?

Only three people have listened to Boris Broke his Music Box all the way through. They all died in mysterious circumstances less than a week later.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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