Written by Duff
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Wednesday, 20 December 2006

image for Still No Thaw In Big Freeze Between Paltrow And Madonna Over Nativity Play
Just before the onslaught

The Spoof reported recently about the 'bad feeling' between the showbiz parents of Apple Martin and Lourdes Madonna Ritchie, at the Marie Dubois Junior School in London's trendy Notting Hill, over who was to get the starring role in the school's nativity play 'Yo Jezza Dude'.

Well we knew that something might happen but nothing prepared us for what actually did.

Our showbiz reporter Oscar Bafta was there on the opening night and reports:

The lights went down to reveal Apple (Mary) and Wee Jimmy Krankie (Joseph) calling at the inn only to be refused admission. They then went round the back to the stables and what a sight!

Lourdes Madonna was lowered down from the ceiling on a wire to a back-drop of scantily clad male dancers wearing what I can only imagine was supposed to be an angel costume; what there was of it. She then went into a raunchy dance routine before announcing that "The Jezza Dude was to be born this night"

Pandemonium then broke out amongst the mums and dads in the audience with many of them rushing the stage to take their kids out of the production on the spot.

Meanwhile during the fracas Lourdes had done a quick change backstage into a Jean-Paul Gaultier bustier and was about to do a big production number that seemed to include the London Gospel Choir and a 50 piece symphony orchestra.

The proceedings were drawn to a premature close by Madame Dubois who took to the stage and wished everybody a very merry Christmas. The curtain then fell and that was it.

A spokesman for Madonna told The Spoof:

"These people are too conservative and reactionary. That show was an everyday Beverley Hills kid's show. I can't believe that they didn't dig it.

"I told them they should have let Lourdes play Mary"

Chris Martin wouldn't be drawn on the matter and told our reporter to "Go and sling his hook" Gwyneth Paltrow maintained a discreet silence and just looked proud and haughty.

Wee Jimmy Krankie, who was giving London his final Joseph as he is turning 11 in January, was said to be devastated that his swansong was totally ruined.

The Spoof understands that the remaining two nights in the scheduled run have been cancelled and boot-legged videos of the event are available on ebay for £200 a throw.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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