Tara Conner was crowned Miss USA recently, immediately things went bad, terribly bad according to pageant officials. Tara went ballistic in the clubs around town and was rumored to have failed a drug test. If that weren't enough she was seen publicly lip locking Miss Teen USA.
Donald Trump, owner of the Miss USA pageant has been forced into making a decision about the future of the current Miss USA.
"We can overlook, club crawling, said The Donald at a press conference from Trump Towers, we can forgive the alleged cocaine abuse, and to be quite frank I find the rumors about lesbian sex titillating as I'm sure we all do. What we can't condone is Tara's conversion to earth woman".
Earth women are old time hippy types that seldom shave their arm pits or legs. They most certainly don't bikini wax. They're also soap intolerant.
Pageant officials said they couldn't have Miss USA running around all furry and funny smelling it's out of pageant guidelines she looks like a Chia Pet, besides, gross!
Miss USA was thrown off Trump property because of all the shedding that was going on. A hair ball here, a hair ball there, the staff couldn't keep up, she was clogging the drains and fowling vacuum cleaners beater bars according to a Trump employee.
"Trump the Merciful", has granted Tara one, and only one chance to redeem herself, by voluntarily checking into a grooming rehab.
Grooming rehab is where ladies that have let the fur go unchecked for a while go to reacquaint themselves to soap and razors.
Tara praised, The Donald, through tearful eyes for his forgiveness and promised to shave regularly with soap and schedule waxing appointments like clock work from now on.
Gillette, Bic, Shic, Ivory Snow, Irish Spring and Lava have all started bidding wars over the lucrative promotional opportunities that have presented themselves because of this.
Miss Bi USA, putting the lead in the pencil of the world
From the desk of
Buck E Filbert
Dec 20 2006