Christmas shoppers in Windsor looked on today in disbelief as ex-Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney, came to blows with his estranged wife Heather Mills McCartney.
Sir Paul was doing a bit of late Christmas shopping in John Lewis when he was spotted by the Geordie strumpet and porn star. She immediately went over to him and hurled the following tirade of abuse:
"Aye! Yer gannin' oot shoppin an all. Well what are you gettin for wur bairn, yah big streak of piss?"
McCartney tried to play down the scene with a wink, a smile and his famous thumbs-up gesture but the hard-nosed slapper was having none of it.
"Why see you man Paul pet? Yer nowt but a multi-talented, multi-millionaire genius that ah targeted a while ago and now yer gonna pay the price" shrieked the deranged harridan.
McCartney, who had clearly had enough, then gave her a slap around the face and told her to "Put a sock in it you slag". Mills McCartney countered with a swipe of her boot at the McCartney crown jewels.
A spokesman for Ringo said:
"Ringo is resting before deciding if he'd like to do Thomas the Tank Engine again. He is very happy with things at present and would not rule out a Beatles reunion at some time in the future"
Mick Jagger was unavailable for comment but Keith Richards told The Spoof:
"Hey man! Like far out. Ha ha ha" before falling asleep.