Strictly Come Dancing is back on our screens and we couldn't give less of a fuck about it! Well we could but we got asked to stop writing about obscure things and making thinly veiled attacks on the right and could we please just write something normal?
So here is a piece on Strictly Come Dancing! The show which uses your license fee cash, gives celebrities free dance lessons and pays a group of wankers obscene amounts of cash to hold up cards. Cards with numbers on though so you know...that's innovative.
This year a bunch of people, some made famous for being on other reality TV shows, will dance for your amusement. You will then watch as they are judged. For those of you new to the concept of shit TV this is all that happens in it. No gimmicks. No actual content. Just people simply dancing. You know like you could do if you went out and met people instead of watching strangers dance.
There will be an engineered romance between a dancer and their partner. One will inevitably cheat on their spouse. This brazen display of public infidelity will be strangely celebrated as "the curse of strictly".
Someone will win. But it won't be the public.
When Bruce Forsyth died we thought this vapid excuse for a TV show would also go. It hasn't. You can't begin to comprehend our disappointment.
We hope this piece conveys a more positive message than our usual one. Thank you for your time