Written by Backandtotheleft
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Sunday, 17 September 2017

Big Sam Allardyce is in talks with ITV about taking over on "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here" for the new season. Big Sam, 62, was last seen terrifying the shit out of Crystal Palace players in his successful attempt to keep them in the Premier League.

The ailing show has been rocked by admissions of drug use from presenters and accusations of vote rigging. Top ITV bosses believe Big Sam will be the man with the plan to turn things around.

A spokesman close to Sam (read traitor who sold his mate out for a hot dog) said:

It's definitely something Sam would be interested in if they can put the right package together for him to be competitive in the TV market. He doesn't want to be going in to another fire fighting mission with no prospect of progression.

Rumour has it that Sam will be offered a six figure contract and as many curries as he can handle to take on the task. Sam will also be promised that he can bring in some of his old team leading to speculation that Kevin Nolan, Ricardo Vaz Tae and Andy Carroll could all be shipped in to reshape the show.

Big Sam himself was unavailable for comment as he was trying to tie up a loan deal for Nicky Hunt to come cut his grass.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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