Written by Jaggedone
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Saturday, 24 June 2017

image for Non wankers website is proving very handy for Tossers!
they proved to be a right pair of wankers too!

A website especially designed for men, not women, to avoid masturbating, is gathering in popularity as it offers males inclined to enter the world of 'tossers' a hands-on method of reducing the temptation!

It's called, NOFAP, which nobody on the planet knows what it actually means but, it is designed for horny males unable to connect with a suitable partner, female or male, to direct their desires into other forms of satisfaction, and here are some of the many tips on offer:

1) If you look at porno sites you will tend to get a boner, so instead of following porno sites, follow Jesus instead, he's a non-wanker!

2) Depending on your sexual preference, do not rub up and down in the overcrowded underground with that genre! Rub up and down with someone who is not your sexual preference!

3) Do not buy the Daily Star, Sun, Mirror, or any other sad rag because they are a bunch of wankers!

4) Avoid consuming chia seeds, passion fruits, garlic, or any other super-sexy foods and eat cabbage, spuds, sauerkraut, brussel sprouts or cauliflower. Guaranteed to stem your sex drive!

5) Do not get locked up in prison because inmates wank themselves to death if they don't shower daily!

6) Get in touch with our local 85 year-old, Russian nymphomaniac, hag, Volga Olga, because she can never get enough and will put you off sex for life unless you are a total pervert!

7) Do not be fooled by hands-on adverts offering you a blow of a job.

8) Swallow a daily dose of bromide but, only until you notice it's a placebo!

9) Avoid swimming pools, Nudist camps, beaches, and concentrate only on Muslim women covered from their toes to their head; a definite sex turn-off!

10) Last not least, and very desperate tip; move to Saudi Arabia or other strict Muslim countries, nick an apple off a market stall and get your hands choppedoff; OUCH!

So horny tossers, there you have it, 10 cures to stop you becoming a wanker like BOJO!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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