Written by XRhonda Speaks
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Wednesday, 21 June 2017

image for SICKmatch.com Eases Stigma of Dating With Rare Diseases
A screen capture from SICKmatch.com

Gioni Malocutia suffers from Tourette's syndrome, an illness often skewered by comedians, but one that makes it difficult if not impossible to find a mate or even an occasional date in real life.

After having zero success on traditional dating sites, Malocutia is now engaged to marry Sally Jo Norman whom he met on SICKmatch.com.

Sally Jo suffers from no rare illnesses, though she admits that she has a fetish for men who talk dirty about her in public.

"I always liked a man who talks openly in public about what he's going to do to me in private. By our second date Gioni relaxed enough to let his Tourette's go a little and he blurting out at the restaurant that he wanted to have sex with me or that he was really going to have to masturbate once he got home. Well lets just say after that he didn't have to go home alone."

Sean Desmia, creator of the hot new matchmaking site, says it started out as a dating site for people with Cervidaephobia (fear of deer and elk).

"I myself suffered from Cervidaephobia and every Christmas I would get so depressed because of my fear of Santa's reindeer, I mean I don't have the phobia anymore, but my memories of my childhood Christmases are so traumatic my girlfriends would always bail on me by mid-December."

"When I created SICKmatch I had no idea that women without my illness wanted to be with me. But I eventually met my fiance Deth Shadeaux on my website--she herself suffers from Narcisistic Depressive Disorder most people just call it Goth--anyway, we've been together since before Christmas."

"I knew I wanted other people to find love and acceptance like I had, and as SICKmatch caught on I was getting requests from our members to add other illnesses to the site and that was when it dawned on me to open up the website to all rare diseases. And now there are even fewer limits on the disease categories available as our admins are reviewing and adding new disease requests everyday. We don't want to be too restrictive in the types of matches our clients are looking for, after all, the site was started for people who were ignored or excluded from other dating websites."

The Desmia-Shadeaux wedding is still in the planning stages and the couple have already weathered their first Christmas just fine according to Desmia.

"Not only was Deth prepared for my Christmas depression, she reveled in it."

The gracious CEO and creator of Sickmatch then provided a short list of diseases recently added to the SICKmatch database:

Witzelsucht
A loss of impulse control like in Tourette's but the victims tell off color jokes at the most inopportune times.

Jumping Frenchman's Disease:
First identified in French-Canadian lumberjacks and thought to be caused by falling trees hitting the head too many times. The victims are easily scared by any unexpected sound or movement and they respond by jumping and waving their arms. And you thought it was because they were French!

Dragon Pox:
This highly contagious illness has killed countless witches and wizards and cannot be fully cured, it can only be treated. Victims often develop a lifelong greenish color to the skin. The one sure sign of infection are the sparks when one sneezes.

Bonerplasia:
A type of priapism, its one of the most searched terms on SICKmatch.

Cutie Pox: A magically created disease that infects ponies from Equestria. Symptoms include Cutie Mark eruptions and acting out behaviors, but the illness goes away eventually. If you want to cure it instantly just eat a flower grown from Seeds of Truth.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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