Written by Duff
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Friday, 15 December 2006

image for What A Carry On - Frankie's back
Shyster Derek Pakora uses many tools to perform his tricks

Derek Acorah, the only TV psychic whose name rhymes with an Indian starter, is today counting the cost of having summoned up the spirit of funny man, the late Frankie Howard.

Oh no missus don't! Don't mock missus! No...yes...hmmm.

Onion Bhaji was in the middle of his 'act' and deeply involved in a three-way conversation between Moses, the God Krishna and himself when all of a sudden the high-brow dialogue was interrupetd by:

"The prologue! And so good citizens it came to pass...", as the spirit of the once loved showbiz vaudevillian cut in.

Shish Kebab, then realizing that his act was going a bit pear-shaped suggested that the ace comedian should 'pass on' but feisty Frankie was having none of it.

"Oh no don't mock! You're mocking Francis" said the disembodied voice of the former Carry On star.

King Prawn Butterfly then became rattled and the voices of Moses and Krishna seemed to become all muddled up and 'Del Boy' was seen to start sweating cobs and looking less than happy with proceedings.

The situation was saved only by the quick thinking of his side-kick Yvette Fielding. The perky former Blue Peter star ran on and treated the audience to a quick rendition of the theme tune of her old show played on a bicycle pump and sheet of A4 paper.

Frankie Howard is currently appearing in 'Whoops there go my trousers!' at The New Ambassadors Theatre in London's trendy showbiz quarter known as theatre land.

Lime Pickle was unavailable for comment as we went to press.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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