Written by President Bush
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Topics: Theft, Nintendo Wii

Friday, 15 December 2006

image for Thief Robs Bank using Wii Game Controller
The robber was captured donning his disguise by CCTV in a nearby department store toilet

The last thing Chase Bank teller Lana Tam heard before waking up in ICU was, "OK Nobody MOVE I've got a WII controller and I'll use it!". Tam telling her story to Phoenix reporters recounted yesterday's robbery where a lone non-gunman armed with only a Wii controller and a portable Game Boy that goes "RAT a TAT" made off with over $27,000 from a Chase bank in Phoenix Arizona.

Nintendo faced with multiple complaints of Wii controllers doing everything from smashing Plasma screen TV's to knocking the whiskers right off their cat announced today that future Wii game controllers would fly "less easily off the wrist" when anyone attempted to hit a fly ball into far left field or with all their might try to knock the living stuffing out a cartoon version of Mike Tyson before cartoon Tyson beat the living animated crap out of THEM! (Tyson game due out Q1 2007).

The website www.Houston_Wii_Gotta_Problem.com tracks injuries caused by the Wii. Editor "Pickle Lemon" (real name) in an editorial blog said .. "Wii's don't kill people, people with Wii's kill people. A sentiment by Wii owners all over the world who've not yet been zonked in the noggin by a stray Wii controller traveling at the speed of light.

Chase Bank teller Lana Tam says that she refused to "fill the KFC bucket up with cash" as requested by the robber so he hurled his arm back as if to perform a 120 mph Tennis smash serve at Wimbledon, hurled his arm forward at 130 mph, next thing she knew she's waking up in ICU the last thing in her memory banks being a Wii controller coming at her at 150 mph.

"Youch that HAD to hurt" Sony's president of Entertainment remarked in what some call a feeble attempt to bolster sagging PlayStation 3 sales fueled by the Nintendo Wii craze sweeping the world. Sony's president of Entertainment denies rumors that he too broke his $29,00 Sony 140 inch Plasma tv playing a pirated beta copy of Wii Super Mario Racquetball (due out Q2 2007)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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