Written by Erskin Quint
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Saturday, 11 March 2017

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Age Cannot Wither Her? Kim Kardashian tries to defy Time, yesterday.

Shakespeare said of Cleopatra that "Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety."

However, it is surely different in our Modern Fast-Moving Age, and it is time to admit that Kim Kardashian is getting old.

She is not as young as she was when she was a young age. This is because when she was younger and a young age, she was not as old and an old age, as she now is, now that she is older.

Now that she is older and an old age, she is less young and a younger age, than she once was, so that she must therefore now be older and an old age.

So, because time is passing all the time that is passing all the time, the lovely Kim must be having this effect on her all this time. Unless she can exist outside of time. Which is not possible.

That proves that she is getting old.

This shock news is sure to shock the world of fashion's and celebrity's! Not to mention Kanye's West's world!


Other News

Professor Jens Convolvulus of the University of Jutland has proved that Time runs sideways under certain conditions. Professor Convolvulus and his team used two experimental groups of chickens, and gave each a task of moving along a corridor towards some chicken food. The Professor mapped the progress of the chickens between two coordinates, coordinate a and coordinate b.

Chicken Group 1 recorded an average time of ten seconds to travel from coordinate a to coordinate b.

However, it was when Chicken Group 2 were observed that the revolutionary nature of these results became apparent. For this group, whose corridor was set at right angles to the corridor of Chicken Group 1, also recorded an average time of ten seconds to get to the food at the end of their corridor.

Because their corridor was set at right angles to the Group 1 corridor that ran from coordinate a to coordinate b, the time taken by the chickens of Group 2 to get from coordinate a to coordinate b was coming out as infinitely long from the point of view of Group 1, whereas from the perspective of Group2, it was Group 1 who were taking infinitely long to navigate their corridor.

At first it seemed that these results were too confusing. But it took the incredible brain of Professor Jens Convolvulus to fathom the mystery and come up with the incredibly SIMPLE YET PROFOUND insight that it was all a matter of perspective and that from the perspective of either group, - the other chickens were travelling in time like the others - except that they were travelling sideways in time because their corridor was running sideways relative to that of the observing group!

These results are sure to send shockwaves through the firmament of the scientific hall's of fame's.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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