Written by King David
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Topics: Sex, Penis

Wednesday, 13 December 2006

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North said instead of feeling the pain he felt relief - but we know the truth

Sex addict Peter North, 24, from the upper Westside said today that he had to do the unthinkable. After going on a 48-hour binge, North said that he wasn't left with any choice.

"It was either that, or continue the rampage," he said.

Witnesses say that they saw North with barely any clothes knocking on doors in a neighborhood known to have many older, single women. Witnesses wouldn't say just how old the women were, but did say it seemed as if North was begging for it. North was also seen in Person County pastures running from barns known to have sheep and goats in them.

"I had to take control," North said. "My addiction was getting the best of me."

North said that while he was performing the surgery, instead of feeling the pain that he was expecting to feel, he felt more relief.

"It was really an epiphany, a beautiful experience," he told us. "Ironically, I felt an enhanced connection to my family, a greater sense of confidence and connection to who I really am. I also felt closer to God. Now, I feel that I have a greater sense of priority in my life."

Psychologists say that, although extreme, North, on a psycho-spiritual level, did what any young man his age is craving to do. He underwent a very dangerous rite-of-passage which called for courage and bravery on his part. He initiated himself into manhood. Except, now, he doesn't have any manhood. But we'd prefer to say that he is just without one of the extensions of his manhood. Manhood, as any man knows, has many parts.

North doesn't recommend such drastic measures for everyone, but says that "some sacrifices are worth making, especially when it's a life or death situation."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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