Written by Jaggedone
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Wednesday, 15 February 2017

image for Eurovision Song Contest banned for health reasons!
Don't look so sad young man, Glastonbury is around the corner and anything is better than the Eurovision!

The annual dodo show that sweeps the feet of millions in Europe away has been banned (There is a God after all)! The organisers, EBU, have admitted the terrible music, groups, singers and transvestites participating are a health hazard to those millions who sit mesmerized on TV hoping to witness the next ABBA (fat chance of that!).

In musical terms, the contest is utter useless, in health terms, a terrible danger to viewers exposed to men dressed as women with beards, women dressed as men without you know what, high-pitched, screaming singers, bands dressed as wild monsters, in fact anything apart from decent, quality entertainment.

Psychiatrists claim the show is so desperately terrible, watching it could cause nausea, heart attacks, blood clots in legs, alcoholism, over-dose of drugs or even tumors in the head due to brain damage!

The hosts for the 2017 debacle, Ukraine, have already recognised terrible health side-effects because 21 of the staff organising the Bash have already resigned after listening to entrants from all over Europe. They all needed urgent mental health care because the terrible sounds being released in their ears caused violent vomiting and terrible headaches, and that was only the English entrant, heavens help the poor souls when they listened to Albania!

After so many years of agony, pain and torture and ABBA, the whole thing has now come to an end; so Transvestites, weirdos, useless black-metal bands dressed as demons, etc, please go back to doing what you are good at; singing in the bathroom or to your cats and dogs, at least they appreciate your talents!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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