As the 'get well soon' cards flooded in following Kanye West's admittance to UCLA Medical Center (Actually spelled 'Centre'), medical staff gathered in force to abuse their Doctor/Patient confidentiality by talking publicly about Mr West's medical condition.
One consultant who wished remain anonymous spoke candidly while trying to stifle his amusement.
"Once he was admitted, I gave him the once over. My immediate concern was that he was suffering from a badly bruised ego but on close examination, it became pretty clear that an ego of that size is damn near indestructible.
It was then that I realised he had lodged himself up his own arse, or rectum as we doctors call it.
I concluded that surgery was needed straight away but I encountered a problem I've never come across before. He was lodged so far up his own arse that I couldn't tell where he started and his arse ended.
We currently have a kind of 'chicken and egg' type thing going on and, until that's resolved, we're reluctant to proceed. We're in uncharted territory here.
We simply wouldn't be having this problem if we were talking about his wife's arse. You can see that thing from space!"