Written by wasabiphil
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Topics: paint

Saturday, 19 November 2016

image for Watching Paint Dry New Baby Boomer Habit

Streaming entertainment has been the buzzword (well, buzzwords) for the past few years as media conglomerates battle each other for content and access to the consumer. Recent studies have shown that millenials spend 2000% more time watching movies on their phones than on their T.V.s In fact, 24% of millenials have never heard of a T.V.

Nonetheless, the number of viewers for phones, computers, tablets (and "T.V.'s") has dropped precipitously since the beginning of this year, baffling market researchers. However, one market research firm, Surveyoranguatang believes it knows the answer. "We have seen dramatic changing patterns in the viewing behavior of aging baby boomers in the U.S market," Don Eauno, Surveyoranguatang's executive vice president in charge of things to know told us. In focus groups of this demographic we have heard such things as,

"I don't really use my computer anymore, the pop ups make me dizzy and my pop up blocker is beholden to Google."

"My T.V. remote's buttons are too small to read and I am afraid it is going to explode."

"What are those young people looking at on their phones? Aren't phones for talking."

"You see what I am saying," Don Eauno continued, these baby boomers don't like computers, T.V.'s or phones, let alone tablets and the internet of things. So when we asked them what they were actually doing a large percentage of them confessed to redecorating the rooms in their homes and then, well, watching the paint dry."

"I find it much more interesting than the internet," one 70 year old said. "Its kind of soothing and meditative and afterwards I don't feel any compulsion to buy something I don't need."

"You can see our problem," said Don. "How do we get ads into that paint? Our research department has teamed up with the Princeton University materials science department to create sentient nanobots just for that purpose. It will be tricky but ultimately we think that subliminal ads viewed while in a meditative state will be twice as effective."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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