New York, NY - After being announced as the winner of the 2016 Nobel Peace Prize for groovy songs, sources close to legendary songwriter, Bob Dylan, say that all he really wants is a surfboard trophy from the Teen Choice Awards.
"Mr. Dylan couldn't care less about the Nobel Peace Prize," told a music industry rep, who is close with the singer. "That's why he hasn't said anything about it. He'll probably just use the million dollars that comes with the medal to wipe his ass with. What he really wants, is to join the elite ranks of musicology, and take his place along side band's like New Kids and Wrong Direction."
But the teens we talked to on the streets of New York say that it's very unlikely that one of America's most beloved icons will ever achieve his lofty goals. His music, somehow, just doesn't resonate with them, the way it did for their great-grandparents. "The answer isn't blowing in the wind anymore, Bob," snorted fourteen-year-old, Jackson Drake, while repeatedly trying to land an annoying skateboard flip. "You can just Google any answer you want now. Somebody should tell him that. Oh, and a man playing the tambourine... that's totally gay. Nobody wants to hear a song about that, either. Write a song about exploding hover-boards, or getting zonked on bath-salts, then you've got something!" explained our youth, who surmised that a man would have to walk down about 30 roads... before you can call him a man.
Editor's Note: After Jackson skated away, we did Google the answer, and found out that the actual number was 43. So there you go Bob Dylan.