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Topics: Gay, Music, Internet, Kids, News, insult

Saturday, 30 July 2016

image for "This song is gay" concludes celebrated music critic
Like this image of Einstein as young lad, Mr. Tittiesandass69 demonstrated unearthly talent from a young age

A celebrated music critic has delivered a scathing verdict on the new album by Catfish and the Bottlemen today, taking the band and the internet by storm.

After listening to the first 30 seconds of the song and proceeding to take approximately 0.3 seconds to deliberate, tittiesandass69 promptly proceeded to deliver his critical opinion, formed through years of experience, on the comments section of the YouTube video for the song, concluding that the song seems to have a preference for members of the same gender and that the artist in question should "kill themselves" before rounding off the review by calling the artist a "cuck", thus solidifying the review's credibility.

Clearly Mr. Ass69's thought-provoking and articulate review stems from the mind of somebody with a great deal of experience in the oh-so-bittersweet world of music criticism and musical composition itself.

His unique understanding of melody and texture and his comments upon the details of the composition reveal a trained ear to the finer details of music. His unbiased evaluation of the faults and imperfections, as well as the music's merits, is the finest commentary any uninformed person seeking information could have come across.

Mr. Ass69 spent many years studying at the great musical institutes in Vienna, Paris and London after being considered a prodigy at just three by his tutor Johann Sebastian Bach.

He composed his first symphony while still potty training and had an exhausting childhood touring Europe performing for the aristocracy before channeling his godlike musical ability as a critic based in Paris at the age of just twelve. Although known for his harsh critical style, this review was particularly scathing and the artist will no wonder be devastated by the news that Mr. Ass69 was not sufficiently impressed with their at best mediocre musical ability, which pales in comparison to the genius that is Mr. Ass69 and his impressive back catalogue.

Nonetheless, some attempted to argue with Mr. Ass69, telling him to "go back to listening to his Justin Bieber and Jonas Brothers" because he could not appreciate "real music without autotune" to which he responded in a courteous and professional manner to be expected in such a talented individual: "FUCK OFF U FAG COME AND FIGHT ME PUSSY"

In the argument that followed, Mr. Ass69 demonstrated the Christian virtue of turning the other cheek, ultimately resulting in Mr. Ass69 telling the uninformed cultural philistine that his mother was employed in prostitution and that Mr. Ass69 had facilitated her services the night prior, sufficiently pleasuring her to sexual climax with his abnormally sized male genitalia.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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