Forget the X-Factor or Take That as the possible Christmas number one this year as nasty bit of work, Simon Cowell, has hatched a plot to bag the coveted slot for his new signing.
In an homage to eighties duo, Renee and Renato, he plans to see the schmaltzy love song 'Save your love' atop the festive chart once more.
But he's given it 'a kick up the jacksey' because this time round the tune will not be performed by the original stars but by Cowell's latest boy band Rooney and Ronaldo.
Scouser Wayne Rooney told The Spoof:
"Aw yeah, it's great like yeah. I'm dead made up about it and it's a bit of a change from d'footie like"
When asked if there was any residual bad feeling between him and his new singing partner over the famous World Cup incident of this summer, Christian Ronaldo said:
"The ball's just come over like and I've stuck the nut on it and it's flew in the top corner like an arra. I'm over the moon innit?"
Bookies Ladbrokes were today offering odds of 1/300 against evil mastermind Cowell getting his way.
Firebrand Manchester United manager, Alex Ferguson, has given the venture his blessing with one proviso.
"Just so long as it doesn't have any effect on their performance on the park" he commented.