Written by King David
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Topics: Britney Spears

Thursday, 7 December 2006

image for Britney Spears' Girl-Next-Door Image Is Working--Harley Davidson Offers Contract
Good 'ol Britney

Sources say that the Britney Spears incident caught on camera several weeks ago is part of a larger plan to change the superstar's image. Spears admitted today that she was tired of being idolized by millions of teenagers and just wanted to be seen as good 'ol Britney.

"Yal, all I really want to do is be myself. I'm just a regular girl with all her parts ya know," the pop princess said. "I miss the old days of just hangin' out with friends and doin' whatever. Now, it's hustle, hustle, hustle, I gotta be somewhere, catch a plane to this show and that one. Can't I just have sometime to myself and friends without my underwear agents crimpin' me and ridin' my crack tellin' me I gotta be somewhere?"

Market analysts say that the plan for Spears not to wear underwear could backfire, but, said that whatever the case, the incident changed her image almost overnight. The pop diva went from glamorous and salaciously pouting, "Ginger" on Gilligan's Island to the down-home Kansas farm girl, "Mary Anne." She has been hoisted out of the luxurious, dining quarters at the captains table on the upper deck of the Titanic and into to bowels of the boiler room of the colossal luxury liner where the ship's service staff drink and dance and tough working class men keep the coal fires stoked.

"This everywoman image of Britney Spears is really working," says agent Laura McMasters. "The common woman feels closer to the star."

Spears in an undisclosed deal has been approached by Harley Davidson to promote their apparel and motorcycles. "She is really the image that we are looking for," a spokesman for Harley Davidson said. "Sort of redneck chic meets class."

Spears' CD's have also sold in public sectors that the superstar in her previous image has not been able to reach.

Yesterday, Spears was reported walking down 52nd street and going into a Starbucks to have coffee with a friend. She has also been seen Christmas shopping, going to the supermarket and purchasing TV dinners, farting, bowling, playing the Lotto, driving around town in a Toyota pick-up truck, dating a local mechanic, going to the "Little Bar" (Durham) with average boyfriend, Tom Smith and singing Karaoke on Friday nights with locals.

"When it comes down to it, I'm really just a woman," the superstar said. "That's all I am."

Seasoned publicists for the superstar say that they wished that changing images was as easy as changing underwear, but it's not. "There are a lot of details to go over, lots of people to consider and money at stake," one publicist said.

But the superstar says that she will continue to do things that please her and allow her to be herself. And, in many respects, we the public don't want you to be anything less than who you really are, Britney, even if you'd rather be listening to "Freebird" and "Sweet Home Alabama" than Brahms and Chopin.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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