Written by Auntie Matter
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Wednesday, 3 February 2016

image for Tarantino's "Blood'nGore Restaurants" to Open Soon
The Chosen One.

Movie mogul Quentin Tarantino with a consortium of business friends has purchased a chain of abattoirs across Los Angeles. The abattoirs will still function as abattoirs but will now incorporate restaurants and special seating arrangements where clients can see their food being prepared on the spot.

For a few thousand dollars you can select the beast of your choice and watch it being slaughtered in front of your eyes; or indeed, slaughter it yourself with the weapon of your choice. Afterwards, you can watch the cadaver being dressed and your chosen pieces prepared by the world's leading chefs for your table's consumption.

The "Tarantino Blood'nGore Restaurants" so-called are expected to be big hits with wealthy diners all over America. Guys eager to impress their girlfriends will be queuing up to shoot a calf between the eyes or slit its throat, reminiscent of the matador's romantic offering to his beloved; and all in the name of "fine dining". A photographer will be on standby to record the heroic moment. As a backdrop to the culinary spectacle Tarantino movies will play non-stop for the entertainment of guests.

Animal welfare activists are expected to boycott these establishments; but as nothing inherently illegal will be taking place it is unlikely they will be able to halt what Tarantino hopes will be a rapidly growing global franchise.

Asked what inspired him with the idea, said he: "I have no idea. I just woke up with it one morning. Crazy huh? It's like a natural extension of my movie art. I mean dude, as I said to Uma, if you're gonna eat it you might as well have fun killing it. Right?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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