Written by Gareth Carpenter
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Saturday, 29 November 2003

image for Shamed Spoof journo admits 'I lied about JK Rowling'
Carpenter in pensive mood yesterday

Shamed Spoof journalist Gareth Carpenter has admitted that he completely ‘made up' a story about famous children's author JK Rowling - because she once brushed him off at a book signing.

Carpenter alleged that in an incident at Ottakars Bookstore in Camberley, Rowling refused to sign a book for him on the basis that it was a copy of C S Lewis' ‘The Lion, the Witch & The Wardrobe' and not one of her own.

"I was heartbroken," he said. "From that moment on I decided that I had to get revenge."

In a recent Spoof article Carpenter claimed Rowling, author of the acclaimed Harry Potter series, had got drunk, given away plot details of her next book and abused her own fans. He admitted that it was all a "sick pack of lies."

"The stupid thing is if I'd sold the story to a reputable UK broadsheet like The Sun or The Mirror, everyone would have believed it," he complained. "My big mistake was to sell it to a lowbrow scandal sheet like The Spoof."

The Spoof switchboard was jammed with calls from irate Potter fans calling for Carpenter's head.

"I'm sorry, what?" said 8 year-old Brooke from Michigan. "Never could I fathom JK Rowling getting upset enough to trash her fans or worse, her magical contribution to literature. Nor do I believe this article and the allegations that it entails hold any truth. Where did this kid (Gareth Carpenter) come from?"

48-year old Trystine from Cleveland, Ohio described JK Rowling as an "awesome person" who "would never do something like that."
"There's no way that after, what, 8 years, she was going to slip up," she continued. "It was so unrealistic, she's such a kind hearted generous woman. I really don't think that it's fair to portray her that way."

One fan Emily, 13, from Godalming, Surrey, who has her own Harry Potter website, once saw JK Rowling in an interview on television.
"She is such a nice person," she commented. "Whoever wrote this story is a liar. No way in heck would JK Rowling ever, ever, do that! I am really really mad at whoever wrote this story. It is full of lies. She has been writing these stories for around, what, 10 years, no way in hell would she just say ‘Who gives a ****, anyway?' I am completely pissed off right now."

When asked if she had ever heard of satire, Emily replied "Yes of course, it's a faun-like god of the woods, with a man's face and a goat's legs and horns."

CORRECTION. In this article the writer incorrectly stated that Harry Potter fan Trystine is 48 and comes from Cleveland, Ohio. Trystine has kindly pointed out that this is completely false and she is in fact 16 and comes from London. The editors of The Spoof would like to apologise to Trystine for any embarrassment this mistake has caused. The age error was made on the assumption that Trystine's articulate and mature views could not possibly have been made by someone of such a tender age. The location error was made on the basis that she used the word ‘awesome' instead of 'terrific'.

Make Gareth Carpenter's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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