Written by lukejay
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Topics: Women, Cats, Playboy

Saturday, 17 October 2015

Playboy magazine is to include pictures of naked women and cats, as part of its redesign.

Its owners have blamed the internet for making mainstream pornographic material freely and readily available to all.

Playboy's target audience has drastically changed in recent years. The publication began as a 'lads mag' but has since become the secret pleasure of 'desperate housewives.'

The magazine will now feature images of middle age, with a tactfully placed feline covering their vagina. Executives want the book to once again appeal to the young male audience.

The change of direction is rumoured to have been decided upon at a top secret meeting attended by Hugh Heffner (Chief Pimp, Head of Sexual Development and Deviance, Master Dominator).

Magazine executives admitted that free access to porn has put the publication in a difficult position-the reverse cowgirl- our retailers were on the verge of initialising an awkwardly anal argument. It needed to be reinvented to become culturally relevant in the modern world.'

"Porn is available to all. It's time to be a little more niche. I'd be lion, if I said this return to our original mandate didn't fill me with pride' said Playboy chief executive Larry Schlong.
"We want our new magazine to tell the story of the cougar and the cub. Young lads today love a good fluffy muff."

Mr Heffner has praised the move and transformed the Playboy mansion from a home just for scantily clad females, to a 'Pussy Palace' full of felines. Past interviews have revealed the world-renowned sugar daddy will stop at nothing to make bestiality the 'new normal.'

As part of a wider re-branding the company will change its name to 'PussyLover' and the iconic bow-tie wearing rabbit logo will transform into a silhouette of a woman kissing a cat.
The magazine's new slogan reads: 'Purrrfect Pedigree Pussy on Pussy Action.'

Mr Schlong appealed to cat owners and young men alike by concluding: "The new mag will have Felix in a fluster; send Whiskas on a wankathon; and have the Cougars cumming to a town near you.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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