Written by Bobby Dazzler
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Friday, 16 October 2015

In a controversial move announced today the Oscars are to be re-named the Patties.

A spokesman from the Oscars committee made the following announcement. "We were told that a statue of a bare-chested bald man holding a sword between his legs was symbolic of everything that is wrong with Hollywood today.

"The Pattie will be curvier, have straggly hair and will be clutching a pair of golden orbs. We are even contemplating taking the wood out of Hollywood altogether and replacing it with bush. Hollybush would be a welcome change to the norm and campaigning for this change has been fervent."

All this follows hot on the heels of movie star and multi-millionaire Patricia Arquette's rallying speech at this year's Oscar's ceremony. Brandishing her Oscar aloft she asked for more money, better opportunities and a mobile hair-dresser.

Patricia is already hotly tipped to win a Pattie at next year's ceremony for her leading role of Wife in The Wifey Wife due for release later this month.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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