Written by Jacob Hudson
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Topics: Music

Sunday, 2 August 2015

image for Eddie Salazar Of Double Lined Minority Confirmed Nose Fetishist: 3 Dead
Live shot of Salazar denying claims against him before stepping into his nose shaped home

Eddie Salazar, vocalist for Gold Coast pop punk band Double Lined Minority went on a Facebook rant today about his immense love for the nose. Claiming he loves when they are quote "on point".

Double Lined Minority has recently toured with confirmed sad boy band Real Friends in their home country of Australia. The band released a single this July titled "Get Around." The song is lyrically clear that Eddie has been getting around the strict nose fucking laws Australia has kept for years.

The single prior to Get Around was titled "Hollow." Telling the story of how Eddie discovered his love for the hollow bones of birds. His favorite being the hummingbird.

Victims of the bow tied nongentlemen include: Dan Lambton of Real Friends, Ash Costello of New Years Day, and the Sydney Opera House itself.

This man has been hopping from town to town, changing the color of his hair, his ties, and possibly even his race frequently.

If you hear any of their songs played turn off your ears. If you see any of the band members signal the nearest law official or the biggest spider you can find. If someone gives you a link like this one https://doublelinedminority.bandcamp.com/ be sure NOT to click on it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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