Written by Gail Farrelly

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Topics: Hollywood, Underwear

Saturday, 2 December 2006

image for Clark Gable Weighs in on Hollywood Underwear Controversy
Gable is happy for naked tops, but bottoms are a world of difference

Commuters in Grand Central Station were startled last night to see Clark Gable giving a press conference at the main ticket booth.

Outfitted by Armani in tight black leather pants and a form-fitting white shirt, the movie star said he had left the big studio in the sky for a week to make known his opinion on the current celebrity underwear (or more accurately, NO underwear) controversy.

Gable admitted that, in the 1930s, he had been influential in encouraging American men to stop wearing undershirts, a move that negatively affected underwear retailers. He said, "It wasn't my fault. It happened after I appeared in 'It Happened One Night' without an undershirt. How was I to know that I'd become an example? I didn't plan it."

Gable made it clear, however, that he's totally against the latest celeb trend to go without underpants, a trend that he described as a 'total disgrace,' adding, "After all, when you talk about BELOW the waist, you're into a whole other zone." Shaking his head from side to side, he further clarified his argument: "Bottoms vs. Tops? A world of difference. Remember what the real estate people say: location, location, location."

He concluded the conference by urging his audience to check out the newly restored version of "Gone with the Wind," now available on DVD. He signed a few autographs but then begged off, saying that he was meeting Danny DeVito for "a drink or two."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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