Written by lukejay
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Wednesday, 15 July 2015

Bandmates Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are expecting their first child.

The intimacy of the boys' relationship has been the topic of much speculation amongst fans, with many assuming they were secretly dating.

Louis is believed to be 11 weeks pregnant and plans to take a break from the band's relentless partying.

In the past few weeks both boys have been spotted attending nightclubs with various 'beards' and secretly visiting several local hotspots.

The pregnancy has been kept a secret until the boys were ready to reveal their midnight liaisons to fans.

A friend of the pair said: 'It was a proper shock for both of them but they are really happy. Their so glad they can now talk about their hookups publicly.'

'The baby has been a blessing, Louis was so upset when he wasn't awarded 'Bottom of the Year' for his performances on 4Chan. The pregnancy has really improved his mood.'

Wand Erection-originslly consisting of: Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Niall Goran, Liam Payne, and Zayn Malik- found fame in 2010, after finishing in third place on the talent show 'Shite Factor.' They have since gone on to attract crowds of 37 in venues that seat upwards of 25,000. Their fans are predominantly: pre-pubescents, cougars, and millionaire sugar daddies.

The band has encountered criticism recently after: Harry Styles was seen eating a soggy biscuit in an alleyway, Zayn Malik was kicked out for being 'too boring', and a video of Louis pleasuring himself with a dildo was leaked online.

Louis, Harry or there bandmates are yet to officially comment on the pregnancy. A source said: 'Everyone who needed to know was told weeks ago.'

'Liam and Niall have started drawing straws to see who gets to babysit first. Harry and Louis are already planning to announce the baby as the band's fifth member. They have a fitness regime planned and are organising colour coordinated chinos and tanktops for the lucky little boy or girl.'

The band are set to begin their latest tour of London's Gentlemen's clubs at the end of the summer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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