Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 1 December 2006

image for Britney Spears Dropped Sean Preston for Google Hits?
Just a pawn in a vicious game of SEO

(Los Angeles--CA) As if the bad press buzz over Britney Spears hanging with fellow homegirls Paris Hilton and Lindsay "I Can't Spell, But Look At These Knockers" Lohan wasn't bad enough, the mud just keeps flying. This time it's about an event that happened in New York this past spring.

While coming out of New York City's Ritz Carlton, Spears tripped causing Sean Preston's head to snap back and his baseball cap to fall off. Both the cap and child were fine. But today, on Defamer.com, the allegation was that Spears almost dropped Sean Preston to increase her Google search engine ranking.

The unnamed source claims to be very close to Spears and goes by the name of Olga the Waxer. "First, Miss Spears don't like she was hairy. Now Miss Spears don't like she was fat. And she really don't like Ms. Jameson gets more searches on The Google. I heard Miss Spears say after I rip off bikini strip and give her a Sonic Corn Dog to ease pain, 'I can't believe how much press kid gets when I accidentally missed his high chair.' Then Miss Spears smile, but not the corn dog smile, but another one. And then it happen. Is very sad."

"The Google" to which Olga the Waxer was referring is the fact that Adult Star Jenna Jameson had surpassed Britney Spears in online searches. "That's absolutely ridiculous," said Spears publicist Greg Brady, no relation to the fictional Greg Brady. "To say that Britney Spears would drop her baby for more Google hits? She's a star. Besides, she doesn't need a reason to drop Sean Preston."

Another, more reputable, eyewitness has come forward, Village Voice gossip columnist Michael Musto. He described the event on DeFamer. "At first, she was walking so gracefully. It kind of reminded me of the Hindenburg getting ready to moor. Then, oh the humanity and the jiggle! All I can say is that bodyguard who held her up must have eaten his Wheaties." However, Musto holds no credence to it being premeditated. "Please, it came from a Russian waxer. Reliable? That's like telling Bob Novak not to give a source."

In a related note, Britney Spears posted web stories have increased 5,000 percent since this spring, and this is one of them. You decide.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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