Written by Paul Blake
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Friday, 22 May 2015

image for Lady Gaga Rips Out Tony Bennett's Rotator Cuff
Lady Gaga and Bennett's new Album plays only on an old phonograph.

New York, NY - Crooner Icon, Tony Bennett, had to undergo emergency rotator cuff surgery on his right shoulder this week, and reps for the 89-year-old singer are squarely blaming new sidekick, Lady Gaga, for the debilitating ailment. The two singers are currently in rehearsals for their upcoming Cheek To Cheek Tour, performing jazz duets, to packed-out theaters of sleeping fans across North America.

"He was totally, one hundred percent fine until that little tramp started hanging off of his right arm all the time," told Bennett's longtime agent, Ester Mothballs. "I'm always tellin' the clingy bitch, 'hey, lay off his arm will ya! He's not a goddamn fricking amusement park ride at Coney Island, for god's sake!' But...I will say, the little singin' hussy is one hell of a cash cow for old Tony, so I guess it's probably all worth it in the end-"

The highly anticipated Cheek To Cheek Tour, sponsored by Ambien Sleep Aids, is set to begin as soon as Bennett has recovered from his shoulder surgery - and Lady Gaga completes her full transformation into her true self - an 80-year-old woman.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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