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Tuesday, 5 May 2015

image for Wile E. Coyote Names ACME And Road Runner In Personal Injury Lawsuit
BEEP-BEEP!

BILLINGSGATE POST: Wile E. Coyote filed charges against ACME Corporation and the Road Runner in the Los Angeles District Court this morning. Represented by Attorney to the Stars, Gloria Pinchmouth, Coyote alleges that ACME Corporation and the Road Runner conspired to make it impossible for him to catch the Road Runner, subjecting him to unlimited pain, suffering and humiliation, both mentally and physically.

Ms. Pinchmouth in her filing, states that her client was denied the advantage of local knowledge by being placed in the Southwest American Desert during the filming of each episode; his natural habitat being the Urban Jungle of Los Angeles.

Also, it was alleged, that the Rules of Engagement prevented Coyote from ever catching the Road Runner. One rule, which was blatantly unfair, was that the Road Runner must always stay on the road, otherwise he would be not be allowed to use his name.

While the Road Runner was allowed to say, "BEEP-BEEP!" ad nauseam, Coyote was not permitted any dialogue. He was not even allowed to mutter, "What the F..K!" when hit on the head with a falling anvil.

It was also specified that all materials, tools. weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the ACME Corporation. ACME was notorious for its lack of quality control. Numerous times the Coyote would have the perfect ambush set up, only to be stymied by defective machinery which allowed the Road Runner to BEEP-BEEP! him once again.

To further his humiliation, no outside force could harm the Coyote. Only his own ineptitude or the failure of the ACME products were given this option.

Lastly, while the Road Runner was seemingly impervious to Gravity, it was the Coyote's greatest enemy.

WE WILL SEE YOU IN COURT. BEEP-BEEP!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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