Written by Breeze
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Thursday, 30 November 2006

image for Former Eastenders star eaten after bush tucker fiasco
Gaffney made a tasty stew

Time was being called on the television programme 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here' after former Eastenders star Dean Gaffney was brutally clubbed to death and eaten.

The drama unfolded after Gaffney, who had failed to win any stars in his bush tucker trial, was asleep in his hammock.

Stars, including eighties pin-up Jason Donovan and popular comedienne Faith Brown were seen creeping towards the actor and launching into a vicious and sustained attack.

Horrified viewers watched as Matt from Busted skinned and dismembered the former soap star. Matt, whose hits include 'What I go to school for' and 'Thunderbirds are go' was also seen rifling through the dead actors rucksack and stealing his boots.

Concerns have been raised in the past that the hit channel four show has been turning some celebrities 'feral'.

Top celebrity psychologist Professor Julius P. Quack claimed last night, "This is not uncommon. Celebrities often lose their individuality and revert to pack behaviour when they are stressed or in a large group. This can often lead to violence which, of course, was all too evident in last years Celebrity Big Brother when George Galloway was hunted down and roasted over a spit."

Channel Four apologised for the graphic scenes which appeared before the 9 pm watershed but claimed that Gaffney had been happy to be eaten. "Dean's a real pro," confided one channel four insider, "and besides, if he'd shouted 'I'm a Celebrity' we'd have got him out of there."

Gaffney, 42, had been living in a box since his shock departure from Eastenders in 1992 and had been hoping that his appearance on 'I'm a Celebrity' would relaunch his acting career. This now seems unlikely.

The Spoof interviewed presenters Ant and Dec at their luxury hotel in Brisbane last night but we couldn't make out a word they said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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