Scientists and biologists from the CDC (Center for Disease Control) recently located the source of a bizarre phenomena afflicting personalities and celebrities in and around the Hollywood area.
Dr L.P. Pheromone, team leader and noted bio engineer, explained, '"There's been a rampant outbreak of panty eating bacteria plaguing debutantes, actresses and pop princesses, partying at Hollywood hot spots." Pheromone continued, "The entire entertainment community has been embarrassed beyond belief."
One doorman at a favorite watering hole stated, "It's ridicules they run around flashing their headlights and showing their yoo hoos, it's scandalous."
Dr Shell O'Boil of the CDC added, this may not be entirely the girls faults as recently reported. It's clinically known as (bacteriouspantiedisappearous). "We've been tracking down the elusive bug with a new device developed by, Sunmmers Eve Electronics Division, and have triangulated the spread to it's point of origin. We think we now understand this ravenous mutation that feeds on silk, cotton or nylon G-strings and panties."
As some locals had speculated, it appears Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan's, and Paris Hilton's vaginas are the culprits. It seems they have cross pollinated causing a mutated, panty hungry bacteria, Wherever and whenever these three hang out, panties are just disappear into a void of nothingness. It's rapidly becoming a scourge on our society.
Found at a bar on Sunset Blvd the three were asked about the finding, Britney said "I was wondering what was happening, I'd leave with panties on and when I'd get somewhere they'd be gone."
Lindsey, took a long pull off her drink and fell backwards off her bar stool into a couch. With her legs dangling in the air we could see no unsightly panty lines there. Paris stated, "that's hot".
From the desk of
Buck E FIlbert
Nov 30 2006