Written by D P Whitehead
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Topics: Clint Eastwood

Thursday, 16 April 2015

image for Clint Eastwood's Butler Knows Its Only A Matter of Time
Clint Eastwood circa 1997

Carmel, Ca - For the past three years Clint Eastwoood's butler, Arthur Grimes, has prepared himself for the inevitable day that he will be out of a job after finding his employer dead.

"Every morning I check the classifieds and check in with an employment agency; just in case this is the day I enter my master's bedroom, carrying his morning coffee, two softly boiled eggs and toast; and find that he has died in his sleep."

The pressure on Grimes is becoming too much and he has sought medical advice for a number of stress related conditions.

"Tommorow I could be looking for work, you know?" he said, wiping away a tear, "I have a family, kids and commitments. It could be today, next week or a month from now, but that doesn't make it any easier. Sooner or later I will be on the scrapheap. A forgetten man. The chances of me getting a job here in Carmel are doubtful. Apart from Mr Eastwood there is absolutely no one who needs a butler. Full time at least."

Grimes told me that on occasion he has panicked, when discovering his employer lying motionless on the couch or in an easy chair, only to realize that the 97 year old Eastwood is just taking a nap.

"It kind of gets to you."

The nerve wrecked butler told me that when the time actually comes, and he finds his boss dead, his first priority would be to call 'Butlers For Hire Job Agency' before even attempting any first aid or calling an ambulance.

"I have mouths to feed," he said, before departing quickly at the sound of a bell, indicating that Mr Eastwood was now ready for his afternoon shave.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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