Written by Stephen Prime
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Wednesday, 8 April 2015

image for Game of Thrones author's writing pace set to quicken as he is writing from prison

Fans have been celebrating the recent imprisonment of Song of Ice and Fire series author G.R.R. Martin, since it means he will almost certainly be writing a lot quicker from his cell, without any of the distractions which have plagued the author's output since the televised version Game of Thrones became one of the most popular shows on earth.

Early reports show that the author was rushed into custody late on Tuesday night, after allegedly firing a crossbow at a fan who had been camped outside his modest mansion in Santa Fe, New Mexico. According to eye-witnesses, the fan had been camped outside Martin's home since December, shouting "what do we want, Winds of Winter, when do we want it, NOW!" over and over non-stop in an attempt to encourage the author to finish his long awaited next instalment. The fan, believed to have been a Mr. Specimin Cobbledick, was apparently so besotted with the fantasy series that he was unable to work at his job as a senior chick sexor at a large poultry farm in Connecticut. Mr Cobbledick, who kept a blog about his attempts to motivate Martin, was apparently shot through the shoulder by a high-speed projectile, believed to have come from one of Martin's collection of antique crossbows.

Fans and HBO executives are already claiming that imprisoning the author would be a good way of ensuring the public do not have to wait so long for the author to finish his next books. It is common knowledge that people who have read the books are unable to enjoy their lives in-between the cliff-hangers which Martin is so famous for writing, and the idea of imprisoning Martin as a way of speeding up his production had already been floated by his agent and publishers. Fans are already campaigning for maximum penalty, and one judge even postulated that the author's bail conditions could be set according to the release of the first draft of the manuscript. Either way, it certainly seems that Martin will be detained until Winds of Winter is forthcoming.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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