Written by Erskin Quint
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Saturday, 4 April 2015

image for Shock at Latest Young Briton Tempted Abroad by Extremist Sect
Western culture, yesterday

Another young British man has fled the country to join the ranks of the US Chat Show Brotherhood, the extreme group notorious for its ruthless pursuit of TV ratings and relentless drive to destroy Western culture and control the minds of Western subjects, turning them into hapless brainwashed slaves.

Disturbing film of the man, identified as former actor James Corden, has become available in media across the civilised world. Shocked viewers have been able to see Corden subjecting his hapless celebrity victims to such atrocities as licking their arses, capering and fawning before them in taunting displays of self-publicising drivel, and tormenting them with the nauseating 'Chinese torture' of endless tales and songs about himself.

A former acting colleague, Aima Betweenjobs, who starred with Corden in 'Aladdin' at Bognor Regis Hippodrome in 2009, said "James just used to want to act and he was a decent enough Widow Twankey. I don't know what got into him."

In a disturbingly familiar progression, Corden became dissatisfied with pantomime, and took to studying the works of fanatical self-promoter and egomaniac Piers Mogadon, bloated ex-boy band-leader and purveyor of poisonous mediocrity Gobby Barlowerer, pitiless peddler of gobshittery Jonathan Dross and priest of overhyped tripe St Simon Cowpile. Believing utterly in his own publicity, he became obsessed with fame, and dedicated to narcissism.

"It's a real shame", said Aima Betweenjobs. "Mind you, he always was a bit of a twat. I don't think he should ever be allowed back into this country; and those preachers that corrupted him should all be thrown out too before they corrupt all our youth."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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