Written by lukejay
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Topics: Pop, One Direction

Sunday, 29 March 2015

The fifth clone member of renowned boyband No Directions has left, to pursue a career in the fast food industry.

On Thursday, Number Five decided to dramatically quit the pop super group in favour of starting a more ordinary line of work.

Number Five said: 'My life with No Directions has been less satisfying than I could ever have imagined. After five years of plagiarising and stupefying the work of superior musicians, I feel like I should leave the band before any more damage can be done.'

'I'd like to apologise to the fans whose minds I have had a part in corrupting with the appalling music I have had a part in creating.'

No Directions were cloned using DNA from musical hasbeens, such as: Robbie Williams, Jason Orange, Kavana, Duncan James, Ronan Keating, and John Hendy.

Despite the odds being stacked against them, the band had incredible success releasing a number of derivative and unoriginal albums, and amassing a large following of pre-teen fans.

In a statement, the rest of the group said: 'We're really happy to see Number Five go, and we totally disagree with his accusations. We see ourselves and our music as totally original and pioneering.'

The band is believed to be continuing without their fifth member, even suggesting a new clone could be manufactured and unveiled by the end of the year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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