Written by James Wallin
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Topics: Magic, David Blaine

Wednesday, 29 November 2006

image for Blaine finally disappears up own arse: Critics praise latest trick
Blaine will eat only Ritz crackers before anally ingesting his own body

Modern day Gandalf and attention seeker, David "nothing up my sleeves" Blaine, is set to pull off his most amazing stunt yet by actually disappearing up his own arse.

The man of magic will perform the feat while suspended from a giant key ring in Moscow's red square. It is expected that he will require two weeks to complete the task, during which time he will eat only Ritz crackers and salmon pate, and will not sweat.

Blaine, speaking from inside his oxygen tent/rabbit strangling venue, said "this will be my greatest ever challenge and a big thank you to all my fans." This is thought to be a reference to Steven Winthorpe of Oregon and his dog, Whippy.

Blaine's previous tricks have included being trapped inside a slinky for three weeks, breaking the world record for not doing number ones or twos (57 days, fourteen hours and two and a half minutes), sitting in the bath till his skin went all wrinkly and parting the red sea (a bit).

He will begin the slow process of arse-swallowing himself tomorrow evening, when the giant key ring will be attached to his giant ego. A crowd of two fans, who had been waiting for more than three minutes for a glimpse of the modern day sorcerer, said "This will be even better than when David Copperfield made his career disappear".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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