Written by Duff
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Topics: Celebrities

Tuesday, 28 November 2006

image for Nation's best loved Veteran Star was no more than a Filthy Scumbag Traitorous Piece of Rubbish
Absolute Rubbish

Ten years after his death, The Spoof can now exclusively reveal the astonishing double life that was being led by Nation's favourite funny man Billy Wembley.

Billy, famous for his many different roles in the Ealing Studios 'Let's have a bit of a giggle' series of films, was in fact a double-agent working on behalf of the Eastern Bloc after the war and during the fifties.

Wembley, although a well loved public figure, had a reputation of being a shy awkward retiring man in his private life. His sparring partner and long-time colleague, the man who led the tributes at Billy's remembrance service, Tommy Tiddler told our showbiz reporter:

"Quite frankly Billy was a real miserable streak of piss in real-life. I wouldn't have trusted him as far as I could have thrown him, which incidentally wasn't very far, 'cos he was a right porky git.

He was always puttin' it about with his female co-stars and I know for a fact the randy sod tubbed two of 'em. No... It doesn't surprise me that he's turned out to be a traitorous shithouse"

The Spoof understands that Billy was 'handled' by no less a spying legend than Colonel Gregory Snoopskiev who defected to the West in 1967. Snoopskiev told us:

"Billy was an OK guy. I remember he once got me tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar. That wasn't an easy thing to do and he only took a few rubles for his trouble"

When we pressed the Colonel about the kind of secrets that Wembley was leaking to him he said:

"That would be telling. Wouldn't it my friend?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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