Written by lukejay
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Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Various works of irrelevant fantastical fiction are being recalled to be rewritten as erotica.

In the wake of the financial triumph and critical failure of 'mummy-porn' movie Fifty Shades of Grey, publishers have decided to re-publish best-selling fantastical novels as erotica.

One publisher said: 'Clean cut fantasy fiction has no place in the 21st Century, the audience wants to watch and read about wild, no-holds-barred, it'll-never-happen-to-me-sex. It's all about sex, sex, and more sex.'

The novels set to be rewritten include: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (to be retitled as Libido, the Whip, and the Wardrobe), The Lord of the Rings (to be retitled as The Lord of the Rims), and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (to be retitled as Horny Plugger in the Sex Dungeon).

Many are outraged by the re-writes and have pledged to protest the international release of the new novels.

To write the erotic updates publishers have turned to various porn stars and infamous fetishists including: Jimmy Buttkiss, Hairy Growler, Vanilla Minge, and Sandy Cheeks.

The first of these novels is set to be released in July 2015.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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