Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 19 February 2015

image for Long lost paternity papers reveal Dallas actress Victoria Principal's meteoric rise to stardom
Oh no! Ronald Reagan's looks and Marilyn's IQ

Los Angeles - Decades of suspected hush-hush Hollywood string-pulling have been exposed in a new book exploring Victoria Principal's awesome acting talents.

Including studio machinations that secured her the plum role of Pammy.

Biographer Arlene Ass-Boner's two year trawl of a mothballed Wanna Bruvvers cuttings dumpster has been published in The Gipper, His Big Dipper & Hollywood's Shooting Stars. **

The memoir reveals how crappy ham actor Ronald Reagan 'groomed' a young Norma Jean Mortensen at Palm Springs Racket Club during his presidency of the US Scream Actors Guild.

Nine months later out pops a healthy, brown-eyed eight pound baby girl from Marilyn's fecund loins - and the rest is Tinsel Town hystery.

"To be fair to the old bastard Reagan actually explored acknowledging paternity," Ass-Boner concedes, "even toying with going pubic about the screaming brat in the face of Mortensen lawyers' alimony negotiations."

Then along came a 'totally freaked out' B-movie actress Nancy Davis, subsequently Reagan's next wife, paranoid about having been placed on a Hollywood Communist blacklist.

"No way was she going to play Step Mom to Ron's latest little bastard," Ass-Boner explains, "can's say I hlame her but whaddahell?"

** Price $25, RadonHouse Press

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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