Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Sunday, 26 November 2006

image for Britney Spears Declares Sean Preston THE Face of Fast Food

(Los Angeles--CA) "The problem with fast food is it needs the right face. Sean Preston Spears (once Federline) is that face." Those were the words of Anne D. Davis, President of the Fast food Alliance Trust (F.A.T.), standing next to celebrity Plump Mom Britney Spears as the two announced the kick-off of a new "positive values of fast food" campaign for which Sean Preston will be the "spokes toddler." Spears added, "My little Sean is going to be the face that launches a thousand chips--deep fried of course." She then feed him a Sonic Corn Dog. He liked it.

Spears, who has developed quite a taste for fast food in the last two years, signed on with F.A.T. after "Sean Preston took a liking to Slurpees just like his Mom." When asked if she had any reservations about her son being the face of a campaign aimed at an already obese segment, children between the ages of 6 and 11, Spears replied, "I don't see it as obese. I see it as more to love. Look at me, I'm a tsunami of love."

And who is Marty McFry that Sean Preston will be playing? He's the more to love brainchild of ad agency powerhouse Heinrich, Himmler & Hess. McFry will be used to counter the negative image of fast food. Or as Spears said, "People don't die of fast food. They die of coronary disease from eating fast food . There is a difference."

Sean Preston snagged the role, besting the stiffest competition. Said Davis, "We scouted thousands of trailer parks from Oklahoma to Arkansas to find the right child. We never thought of looking in L.A. until Britney called." And Mom Spears makes no apologies for the diet that got Sean the part, since birth he's subsisted on only fast food. "A balanced diet," claims Spears, "from all of the major chains."

Also present for the kick-off, Herman Hesse, who recalled that magic first meeting. "We walked into Britney's house. There was Sean Preston on that white shag carpet, watching The Price Is Right sitting on a large order of McDonald's fries, pulling one out from under him to dip in the special sauce of his Big Mac and then in his mouth it went. I said, 'We've found our McFry.'"

Sitting a little over 20-inches and weighing 105 pounds with a cholesterol level of 500, it remains to be seen how long Sean Preston will be McFry. But Davis is confident. "We're not worried. There's a clause in his contract where we have the right to put in a defibrillator if he needs one." Added Spears, "My son has my genes. Because of that I can say with confidence that he will be bigger than I am now."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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