Written by Herrdoktorfox
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Topics: Movies, Yorkshire

Saturday, 24 January 2015

image for Theres no business like dough business!
Expendable Eng-er-land!

Hollywood is all agog today with the news that Sly Stallone is considering making Expendables 8 in little 'ole Eng-er-land, or to be more precise, West Yorkshireland.

Ironically, the unusual location came about due to Sly being offered a heap of bread to star in a series of UK bread commercials for Warburton loaves. The word 'war' rang a distant bell in the ageing geriatrics one brain cell and caused him much excitement. So much so that he hastily scribbled down the script for his next mercenary venture on a sheet of Walmart toilet paper while taking a dump.

After reading the commercial scripts sent By Warburton's which involve the Rocky hero parodying his iconic boxing movie, including the famous run up a flight of stairs clutching two steaming hot loaves, he was not to happy.

At age 68 Sly can barely make it to the john these days without shitting himself and regularly wets his pants while attempting to talk at the same time.

Thus, adjustments will be made during the filming, one commercial involves Sly being shot from the waist up only and numerous stunt doubles handling hot bread and assorted roles as and when necessary. However, Sly will be seen in one 30 second commercial, seemingly baking bread and putting it into an oven, the latter appearing to be red hot courtesy of CGI special effects - for fear he burns himself, or worse, starts melting!

A source said: "The bosses at Warburton's have signed a real top-drawer name in Stallone. Sly does not come cheap and is not an obvious choice to promote bread - but he is bound to get people talking and doubtless pissing in their beer laughing. We had considered approaching Bruce Willis but at the eleventh hour discovered that he had just signed a lucrative deal to promote Anusol cream

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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