Written by Kevin Nelson
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Sunday, 11 January 2015

image for ISIS the Musical Bombs at Box Office
Director-Producer Malik Hafiz: "You WILL...DIE laughing."

In an attempt to soften the image of the infamous terror group, ISIS has formed a theatre group.They refer to themselves as "The Musical Jihadists" and wish to prove to the world at large that they truly are lovers of the arts and theatre and that they are not the homicidal maniacs that everyone believes them to be.

Not since the debut of Spring Time for Hitler has such an under taking been tried in the theatre world. Broadway was buzzing with talk of this ground breaking musical but despite the stellar reviews,few theatre goers ventured into the theatre to partake of its wonders. The play is reminiscent of the early classic 20th Century musicals filled with gaiety,laughter and spectacle. It holds all the excitement of West-side Story with the uplifting feeling of Oklahoma and Annie.

The first act begins with an up beat little number called "You Da' Bomb" which featured a chorus of suicide bombers fabulously dressed in sequined black tactical garb with tastefully matching suicide bomb vests. It was followed but not out done by a soulful rendition of "I Fall To Pieces Over You" by the talented Hussein Hussein.

The second act genuinely made me cry and it was not because that I truly identified with the journalists portrayed in the scene or because I was invited to portray one of the "scurrilous infidel journalist dogs" that were were stoned to death with prop rocks to a Jihadist version of "Everybody Must Get Stoned" it was followed by a deeply moving ballad written by the director's son Omar entitled, "Die Infidel Die." It was a truly moving experience that was not in any way motivated by any prior threats of emasculation or intimidation.

The third and final act was inspiring and unforgettable. It started with a wonderful rendition called "Be My Burqa Baby" between a man and a burqa clad damsel (men played women in burqas entirely for reasons of modesty as well as not being able to find any women willing to perform in the play). The play ended with the song "Smithereens" being followed by the deeply inspiring rendition of "Ninety-nine Virgins" as the lead actor ascends above the stage accompanied with ninety-nine burqa clad virgins.

Despite positive reviews, theatre goers stayed away from the show despite the stellar reviews which were not coerced in any way with threats of disembowelment, maiming, torture, stoning, or beheading. Neither were any of my family members held in an undisclosed location under threat of torture and death till a favourable review was written and published.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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