Written by John Peurach
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Topics: Tom Cruise

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

image for Uh-Oh. Another Hollywood Open Secret Bites The Uhhhh......Dust
NOT SO OVER EASY TOP GUN UNDONE - Okay, so now you know the rest of that non-story.

LOS ANGELES - Due no doubt to the ongoing public domained enquiring mind-wise fascination surrounding anything to do with however it was (if only just because) recently defamed (and rightly so) high end comedy legend Bill Cosby apparently had to (once upon a many used to be sometime) get up to get down, suddenly it's (now more than ever) time for yet another sudden case of, why wait when there's, as always, still more.

In other words, on the outside the envelope chance you still got room for an additional amount of soon to be unleashed, no longer along for the slide, wider open than usual Hollywood secrets, don't look now, but, well, since you know you want to, and/or, always have to, what the hell, please do.

In still other words, here's one more cut-to-the-chase headline grabber for you're immediate, present tense-like, up to speed consideration.

Yep, Tom Cruise is NOT gay.

But, have no fear, as luck, and a certain amount of surprisingly well choreographed under the radar fate would have it, according to a (so far) unidentified source at The Huffington Post (and, for what it's worth, The Star-Ledger, but that's another story) all the gents he's ever slept with, felt it necessary to towel off vigorously following any number of bi-weekly late night/early morning swims, and/or, repeatedly traded gazpacho recipes with (via a flowery, systematic series of recklessly handwritten, spearmint scented notes, sealed with a fist), uhhhh (wink-wink), are.

And, oh yeah, so too are (and/or, eventually will be) pretty much all the gals who have - till now anyway - been unlucky enough to find themselves anywhere (as in, everywhere) within the nearest available, typically overbearing, carnalized down in front vicinity of Mr. Cruise, and, of course, whichever horse's ass he's made a point of seemingly always riding in on.

Again, another story. But then, semi-not so seriously, as usual, aren't they all?

"Huh?"

Yeah, well, not in so many words. But, for right about now (and how), these will just have to do.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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