Written by Anne of Cleavage
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Thursday, 13 November 2014

image for Sepp Blatter to become Villain in next James Bond movie "Own Goal"
"Bring me Bond's head on a Blatter"

European crook Sepp Blatter will be the arch villain of the next James Bond movie, Pinewood Studios has announced.

James Bond is an iconic fictional British spy who infiltrates evil organisations bent on world domination and kills their leader, usually with a funny and sarcastic remark. He has despatched such global baddies as Dr No, Auric Goldfinger and Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Now he's going after Sepp Blatter.

Blatter will lead an international crime syndicate called FIFA ("Feared International Felonious Agency"), who bribe and kill across the globe. After Blatter assassinates the head of the FA, British secret agent Bond will meet with the FA's remaining bosses who will tell him that England has become isolated in the world in its fight against FIFA and only the suave Englishman can save the day. After taking out Blatters' henchman Mr Warner at a gala dinner for Caribbean officials, Bond will travel to America to meet sexy US-lawyer and secret CIA agent Michelle Garcia, who's working for Blatter but secretly trying to bring him down.

The dramatic climax of the film will be when Bond takes part in a football match against the rest of the world, led by Blatter, where the football conceals a nuclear bomb, which Bond must kick into the opposing team's goal before it detonates.

Producer Barbara Broccoli teased reporters with suggestions that both Prince William and David Beckham will have cameo roles in the latest spy outing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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