Written by jd Balderdash
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Friday, 24 November 2006

image for Oprah Slaps the Living Crap Out of Clay Aiken

Clay Aiken, MISTAKENLY thinking that he could shush Oprah Winfrey the way he did Kelly Rippa of Regis And Kelly found out the hard way which star in the heavens shines the brightest when he woke up in a New York City ICU unit asking for mama and a warm heating pad for the left side of what was left of the left side of his jaw. ABC paramedic Emmet Langston who rescued Aiken recalls,

"I actually saw that prior incident on Regis and Kelly when Aiken put his hand over Kelly's mouth to shut her up. Long story short, when I saw him do the same thing on Oprah TO Oprah .. it's a wonder Aiken's alive to even try to talk about talking about it. Mz Winfrey's left hook could take Tyson out if he riled her."

Winfrey, apologizing for, on camera slapping the living crap out of Clay Aiken, his head landing in the set's aquarium going "ker-SPLASH" told reporters,

"Nobody puts their hand over my mouth not even an American Idol .. sorry .. is he still alive? If he is I'll SLAP the crap out of him again if you tell me where he is .. just kidding. Which hospital is he in?"

Attorneys for Aiken say that they will not take legal action against Winfrey perhaps after wisely weighing the depth, breadth AND width of Winfrey's pockets. Aiken's manager Arthur Burney reportedly told Aiken in ICU to perhaps keep his hands to himself the next time he felt the need to shush somebody, especially Oprah Winfrey. Aiken, sources at the hospital say, nodded his head in agreement then motioned for his lime jello cup and heating pad.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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