Written by Al N.
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Monday, 10 November 2014

image for Justin Bieber Attempts Suicide by Pelting the New York Jets with Eggs
Football players everywhere have learned to keep low and pray that Justin Bieber's Egg Brigade isn't at the game.

Pittsburgh, PA-Justin Bieber, who recently joined the Pittsburgh Steelers in their Bible study meeting, was reportedly wanted by the NFL after pelting the Steelers' latest opponents, the New York Jets, with eggs during their post-halftime huddle.

Bieber, who has been jilted by former girlfriend Selena Gomez, was reportedly despondent and attempting suicide by pelting an NFL Football team with eggs, an act that is at the very least a sure plea to be attacked and mercilessly pummeled. Bieber was fortunately saved by an army of teenage girls who ran in between the Jets and Bieber.

The players, when distracted by the sight of hundreds of teenage females, forgot about Bieber, who was taken by ambulance to the closest hospital.

Update: The ambulance with Bieber in it was actually revealed to be on its way to Bieber's house once Bieber convinced the ambulance staff that he would feel better using his own drug stash than he would the ones from the hospital. The ambulance staff reported back three days later.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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